DENVER -- August 11, 2008

We've been watching the Olympics at my house. Other than the swimming, which does look fun, I haven't been too interested. But as I watched Marianne leap over the baby gate with 11-week old Ross in her arms as she headed for the back door with great speed, it seemed to me that she was competing in some sort of Olympic Games herself.

"Why, yes," she laughed when I mentioned it. "In fact, when we had Rolly as a puppy in 2004 I wrote a little piece about the Puppy Olympics. Let me see if I can find it."

Sure enough, she found it later that evening. She said that puppy raisers Cath Phillips and Vanessa Graziano also contributed to the list of events. For your amusement I present THE PUPPY OLYMPICS!

100 Meter Dash (Home): Scoop up squatting puppy and make a mad dash for the back door.

200 Meter Dash (Work): Scoop up squatting puppy and dash for the nearest exit. Points deducted if you forget to grab your security badge and a poop bag.

Hurdles: Scoop up squatting puppy, jump over the baby gate and run for the back door. This event can be combined with the 100 Meter Dash.

Weight Lifting: Pick up the puppy. Pick up the puppy. Pick up the puppy. Pick up the puppy. Pick up the puppy.

Gymnastics: Prepare dinner and clean up kitchen while dodging puppy, other dogs and assorted puppy toys scattered over the kitchen floor.

Floor Exercises: Step on knobby chewy toy and leap into the air, hold injured foot and hop up and down. Points deducted for using naughty language around the puppy.

Diving: Lunge toward puppy and fish contraband item from his mouth; extra points awarded if you don't get stabbed by tiny puppy teeth in the process. Style points awarded if you can continue your conversation with your neighbor or co-worker while executing the dive.

Synchronized Swimming: Give squirming gleeful puppy a bath and get drenched in the process.

Softball: Throw the ball for the puppy. Throw the ball for the puppy. Throw the ball for the puppy. Fetch the ball yourself.

Marathon: Stand at the end of the leash and say "Hurry!" Pull leaf/stick/twig/rock out of the puppy's mouth. Repeat endlessly until the puppy "hurries." Extra points awarded for 2 a.m. start time or thunder storm.

Wrestling: Dress wiggling puppy in his baby cape (which ties around the neck and under his tummy) and Gentle Leader head collar. Points deducted if the puppy unties one set of cape ties before you get the other set tied and/or paws the Gentle Leader off his nose.

Shot Put: Throw a shoe at the crate to quiet the whining puppy so you can get at least four consecutive hours of sleep. Extra points awarded for actually hitting the crate in the dark. If the event takes place near a water hazard, points deducted if the shoe falls into the water dish after hitting the crate.

Long Jump: Leap across the room in a single bound to snatch new shoe from puppy.

Shooting:: Without hitting the cat, squirt the puppy with vinegar water to discourage playful pouncing on the kitty.

Puppy Pentathlon: A day in the life of a puppy raiser! Includes a minimum of 23 Hurry breaks (at least one between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m.), scooping poop at least 4 times, removing 16 forbidden items from the puppy's mouth, preparing three meals, giving the puppy one bath, squirting the puppy 6 times for chasing the kitty, wrestling puppy into his cape and Gentle Leader, and cuddling the puppy for a minimum of 45 minutes.

Chow for now!

Parker

Questions or comments for Parker? Send him an e-mail!

Would you like more information about Canine Companions for Independence or perhaps be a puppy raiser? Call 1-800-572-BARK or go to CCI for details.